I've never been one to be very public about my relationships. Sure, i'll write the occasional sentimental status update on facebook, and i will hold hands and kiss in front of friends, but i don't necessarily talk in-depth about relationships to anyone but close friends. As an introvert, this is how i like it, and has been the main thing that worries me about the whole "wedding" thing - the fundamental idea of standing up in front of everyone and reading intensely personal vows and talking about our feelings scares the hell out of me.
Being bullied into marriage by the Australian Government is not how i pictured the beginning of my happily ever after, but here we are. It's certainly not Gav's idea of an ideal situation either, but here we are. Given the choice, i think we may have even been quite content to not marry at all... but here we are.
In my early twenties i harboured secret wedding fantasies. I drew pictures of dresses and stationery, i kept mental lists of venues i liked, and a playlist of love songs that simply HAD to be played at my wedding. It would involve calligraphy, marzipan, lace, rose petals and sugared almonds, because that's what a wedding looks like.
Now, however... Weddings these days are much more "unique" than they ever needed to be in the past. Everybody, it seems, is doing something different - and yet they all look much the same (well, on The Knot anyway, which is why i read Offbeat Bride, to at least get a little more variety). And so in imagining our wedding, the freedom of knowing that it could look and function in whatever way we choose is TERRIFYING, and we're inclined to just go with the shortest, simplest ceremony we can imagine. But we still want a party, and we still want our friends to see how happy we are together... Sigh... We need to find a halfway point where it still feels like we're not being exposed and vulnerable, but where we can still share our happiness with others.
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