Working hard for the money

Waitressing is like riding a bike. You don't forget how to do it, and if you fall while attempting to do it, it hurts a lot and is very embarrassing.

I don't know why i can't decide on one career and stick to it. I don't know why i think i should be able to do anything i try my hand at. Hmm, maybe those things are related - i keep changing careers because i think "Well, if i'm good at this, i could probably be good at something else! Something different, more challenging, with better pay!!" (though that last part doesn't account for my transition into childcare...)

On my down days, i frame this as a step backwards. Why in god's name am i doing hospitality again?? Didn't i give that up years ago?? Why aren't i using all my qualifications??? Why am i working for minimum wage in my thirties?! I used to be a restaurant and function supervisor. Why am i now just carrying plates and being shouted at? (by managers, not by guests.) I have a degree, for fuck's sake. And this industry is sexist beyond belief - all of my jobs are assigned to me on the basis of my gender, not experience or knowledge. And it's openly sexist, which i think is even worse. It's almost like they're proud of it.

But then i think, hey, it's pretty easy work, made even easier by the fact that i have done it before. It's a no-brainer. I work with pretty nice people (although they tend to be a completely different group each shift - but there are a few that i see regularly). And although i have moments of hate where the bile rises and my blood pressure increases - usually when being shouted at or patronised by some smart-arsed 27-year-old manager, because i'm doing something they don't want me to do (often something i've been told to do by a different smart-arsed manager) - those moments pass and i let it roll right off me. It's not too difficult (physically, although i'm not as strong in my arms and hands as i was when i was 21, but i'm probably just out of practice), i don't have to think (although this poses a problem, because although i don't have to think, i do anyway, and if my thinking leads to showing initiative, i'll often get into trouble because the thing i thought of doing is not what the manager wants me to do RIGHT NOW), and i get to work in a lot of cool places. I genuinely like providing service. Every job i've had has been to provide service or assistance in something, and that's no coincidence. I like being able to make someone else's life or experience a little easier. That might make me seem like a pushover, and is probably the reason i've never ascended very far, but... I just like helping.

I'll admit it's not where i'd thought i'd be at 31. But that's part of the problem anyway - i've never really had a plan or a vision, i just roll with life as it comes. For now i will work as a smiling, helpful waitress, and it will be fine for now. Something better will probably come along. It did in 2011, and it probably will again in 2012. And i will roll with it. Bicycle metaphor.