Three weeks to go, hormones are in flux and emotions are running high. I cry, or feel like crying, at the drop of a hat. I came out of our date-night movie, "About Time", with mascara staining my cheeks (it's a very good movie, you should go see it), as i'd blubbed all the way through it (damn you Richard Curtis).
We try not to talk too much about subjects that bring on stress, like "where will we live? how much money will we have? will i be able to get a job straight away that will support us both? what if gav can't find a job? will we be able to afford a car straight away? how long will we have to live with Dave? will we get a place in walking distance of shops? why are there only two major supermarket chains in Australia? when will the marriage visa be approved? how can we plan a wedding if we don't have a date yet? why do we need a wedding in the first place? can't we just sign the papers and be done with it? but i want my friends to come and celebrate with us...." Boo hoo, waaah. More tears from Caz.
I get through it by putting a lid on my stresses, packing them away in a box marked Worry About It Later. This box will go in our checked luggage on the plane, and we will be carrying it when we are met at the airport by my lovely friend who will drive us back to Canberra. We have planned up to that moment, but not beyond. Some things to get through before that day include: some kind of birthday celebration, some kind of farewell event, a trip to Coventry to see the Two Tone Museum, another visit to the Tower of London (we went yesterday but i forgot my camera, and because we have the corporate tickets for another week i will go back to take photos), two nights in Paris, finish at work and have a party for the occasion, pack up everything and .... everything else.... And then, upon arrival in Canberra, unpack the Worry box and have a meltdown (maybe).
I know we will have a lot of support from friends and family back home. But I still worry about Gav and how he will find his place there, and how he will cope so far from home. The enormity of the situation is only just starting to occur to him... It was his decision to come to Australia, but i can't help taking on responsibility and being overwhelmed by the feels... I think i need help managing my feels, this can't be normal. I coped better when i decided to move to a foreign country on my own. I can't handle being responsible for another person's life changes. Relationships are hard. But i love him and i want to be with him in Australia.
*big shrug*
